


Finding You

by sharkinterviewee



Series: Starmora Week 2019 [3]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Late Night Conversations, Romance, Songfic, Starmora Week 2019, there will be kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkinterviewee/pseuds/sharkinterviewee
Summary: “Sometimes it just feels like I spend my whole life trying not to be lost,” Peter tells her with a wry smile, shaking his head at himself. It doesn't quite mask the pain, but it makes it a little more bearable.The funny thing is- Gamora knows exactly what he means. That feeling. It's so familiar it makes her chest ache.“Like you don't know where you are. Or if you're supposed to be looking for something,” she says quietly, staring out the windshield. “And it's like- something's not there yet, or you're not there yet. But there's something not there, where it's supposed to be. Lost. And you don't know if you're supposed to find something, or if you're supposed to be found. But the feeling never goes away. It's always there. Because something's not. Something's out of place. And if it was a simple as feeling lost until you find a home, I wouldn't still feel this way,” she says the last part bitterly, fingers curling into fists. But finally saying it out loud grants her a little release.Gamora exhales, shoulders falling in defeat. “I... I wouldn't still be looking.”Starmora Week Day 3: Lost/Found





	Finding You

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, Day 3 of Starmora Week, brought to you by the song [Finding You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lje90S6BRA)by my girl Kesha.

_ I know forever don't exist _

_ But after this life I'll find you in the next _

_ So when I say “forever” it's the goddamn truth _

_ I'll keep finding, finding you _

* * *

The thing about space travel is that it makes the night seem endless. 

Staying up all night and watching all the galaxies and stars pass you by seems like a good idea, until you remember it's always gonna be night.

Still, Gamora finds herself sitting in the cockpit and staring out the windshield again. She didn't even have the excuse of keeping watch. She just can't sleep.

In the short time since the Guardians have been a team, it's become a habit of hers. She's stopped being surprised by the fact that Peter's usually already there most nights, having the same idea as her.

More and more these late nights have been filled with quiet conversation between them, these talks of theirs serene and unfocused, opening up to each other in a way that they surely wouldn't allow if they were both fully awake.

They never bring it up, or even acknowledge it the next day. The things that they talk about and reveal almost stop existing outside of these moments.

Much more than familiar, these talks are sacred.

Peter is earnest in a way that is still so rare for him, and she finds herself comfortable, sharing things she'd always kept to herself. Somehow, these soft talks make the world seem quiet. Just for a bit. The universe feels gentler, more forgiving in these moments too. It's... nice.

She doesn't know what to think about that.

They seem to be having these talks more often, and tonight is no different.

She looks over at Peter sitting in his chair, watches him breathe, drawn in by the steady rise and fall of his shoulders. She doesn't know how long they've been sitting there tonight, how long they've been drifting in and out of conversation, but safe to say it's been awhile. She has no desire to stop anytime soon.

Quill's exhaustion is written all over him, his fingers clumsy and slow as he fiddles with them. Even when he's quiet, he's not able to remain still. Gamora decides she likes this about him.

She watches as he idly plays with the hem of his shirt, thumbing the fabric and twisting the loose threads as he slumped further in his seat. He sighs, clearly tired, but just not sleeping. Like her.

The thought crosses her mind that she could watch him like this all night.

He stops for a moment, something filtering through his gaze. Unpleasant, judging by the look on his face, the sharp and shuddery breath he lets out. She doesn't have to ask what he's thinking about, though. He tells her anyway.

“Sometimes it feels like I just spend my whole life trying not to be lost,” Peter says, a wry smile twisting at his lips, a little huff of a laugh that doesn't sound forced at all. It doesn't quite mask the pain, but at least seems to make it a bit more bearable.

And the funny thing is- Gamora knows exactly what he means. That feeling. It's so familiar it makes her chest ache.

“Like you don't know where you are, or if you're supposed to be looking for something,” she says quietly, her head dipping down in an attempt to insulate herself from the environment, or minimize the amount of space she takes up. Something to do with the overwhelming vulnerability that comes with opening oneself up. She doesn't bother to check Quill's reaction, knowing that if she does she won't be able to say another word. Or maybe it's the other way around. Maybe if she sees his reaction, she'll never be able to stop talking.

Gamora lifts her knees to her chest, effectively curling up in her seat, defenses inside. 

“And it's like- something's not there yet, or you're not there yet,” she continues, speaking into her knees as she hugs them. She knows it's not enough to muffle her voice, though. Knows he can still hear the words she's saying. She keeps talking anyways. “But there's something not there, where it's supposed to be. Lost. And you don't know if you're supposed to find something, or if you're supposed to be found, and you don't know what it is you're supposed to be searching for. But the feeling never goes away. It's always there. Because something's not.” Her throat feels thick, but she doesn't bother clearing it. Doesn't know if she can. She bites her lip, a frown tugging at it, “Just- something's out of place. Missing. And if it was something as simple as feeling lost until you find a home, I wouldn't still feel this way.”

Gamora's arms tighten around her legs, holding her wrist with one hand, and she squeezes her fingers wrapped around it as a hint of bitterness seeps into her tone.

And just like that she exhales, her shoulders dropping in defeat, giving up and letting it all out. 

“I... I wouldn't still be looking,” she breathes. But finally saying it aloud- it grants her a little release.

Peter remains silent. He always is quiet though, during these late night talks of theirs. Much quieter than she's come to expect from him.

She wishes he would say something now. Fill up the empty space left by the weight of her words. Instead all the room is left with is the sounds of a functioning ship in the background- and even they are all too muted. The steady whirring of machinery, the occasional beeps of automated tasks, the thrum of the life support system- they're all drowned out by the sound of her treacherous heart thudding in her ears. 

With a click the air kicks on again, and Gamora can hear the cool air exiting the vents and lowering the cabin's temperature, but still not a sound from Peter sitting only a few feet away.

She raises her head with a small amount of trepidation, sparing him a glance, only to find Peter staring at her. Not in a bad way- not necessarily. His eyes are wide but soft, his lips slightly parted, looking at her with something like disbelief- but his expression, everything about him is tired and soft and muted, just like always during these nights when they both can't sleep. Everything's a little faded, but not in a bad way. Just in- a way.

“What? Why are you staring at me?” Surprisingly enough, she doesn't recoil as she asks the question. Her chin juts out a bit, not exactly defensive, but like she's ready to be at a moment's notice if need be. Preparing herself to put those walls back up if he gives her the wrong answer.

Peter blinks, absolutely dumbfounded. “Nothing I- I just-” he stammers, “I- for such an absurdly specific feeling I, I didn't think anyone else felt that too.” 

Gamora can tell by his expression that he's completely earnest, and somehow that sets her more on edge. 

Something about the look in his eyes has her heart feeling heavy in a way she doesn't understand, can't make sense of.

The way Peter's looking at her- there's an intensity there that fills her lungs with lead, that almost hurts to look at, but it's even harder to tear away from.

Gamora nods in understanding, swallowing thickly before turning back to stare out the windshield. She can tell Peter's still watching her out of the corner of her eye.

She keeps staring out at the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I do have a fic for starmora week day 2 (recovery/stay), but it's late late late. I'm still working on it, cause of course I didn't finish like none of these in time.  
I would've liked to have more time to polish up this first chapter you read here, but thems the breaks. I'm thinking this fic will be a soft two or three chapters, but we'll see how I divy it up, i guess.


End file.
